Personal

I really feel like blogging for some reason right now. I've noticed that as of late my blog posts have been rather un-personal. I'm not sure if this is just because I've been so busy with life that I haven't had the energy to create interesting posts, or if what has been going on in my life is so personal that I don't care to blog about it to the world. I think it's a combination of both. Nevertheless, I'm going to blog about something that has been on my mind (and noticed by my friends and family over the past few months): my weight.

My weight has never been a cause for my concern until recently, and now only because of comments I have received because of it. Such as, "If I didn't know better I'd think you were anorexic," and "You're getting reallllllllly skinny, Katie. Like really skinny," and "Are you sure you're eating enough? You're so thin." I'm never offended by these comments, nor do I feel a need to defend myself. I'm not hiding anything. It does, however, inspire a great deal of thought about my own body image, my self esteem, and how I am perceived by others. It's been quite a learning experience, to say the least. The truth is, I am very slender right now. Of course people will notice. I've lost an additional 21 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight in a relatively short period of time. Right now I weigh about as much as I weighed in 7th or 8th grade. No joke. So here's the story of it, if you're wondering.

I returned to my pre-pregnancy weight at a healthy pace. I have always been health-conscious and taken care of myself anyway, so diet and exercise have been a big part of my life. Last summer I became a certified Family Herbalist, and I was exposed to a lot of new concepts about health and wellness in relation to diet. I decided I wanted to practice everything I learned. I went vegan for a while and discovered I enjoyed cheese and ranch dressing too much, so I leveled out at a fairly consistent vegetarian. But I adopted an array of new eating habits and my health immediately improved. Some skin problems I've had my entire life subsided in addition to having more energy, less fatigue, increased libido (told you this was personal), and on and on. I felt great. It wasn't until the end of the summer and we returned to Utah that I realized I had also lost weight as a result of my eating habits (because weight loss was not an objective for me in the first place, so I wasn't monitoring it. I didn't weigh myself once the entire summer). My husband's family all noticed the change in my figure immediately, and so I ran upstairs to the bathroom and stepped on the scale. I was blown away! No wonder people noticed.

Since then I've lost a bit more weight, which I mostly attribute to a busy and at times stressful lifestyle. I'm always on the go. When I'm at work I'm on my feet for 12 hours. When I'm at home I'm chasing a 1-year old around the house and performing my domestic duties. When I have free time I'm often exercising. When Jacob and I go out we often dance, snowshoe, hike, roller skate, etc. My life is rather conducive to a low body fat percentage.

I am happy to say that I am quite healthy. However, this has not prevented well-meaning family members and friends from worrying about me. I guess I can't blame them. Eating disorders have been unfortunately common in my husband's family, and I can imagine it is only natural for them to be on the lookout moreso than others may be. I find no fault or offense in any of it, as I said before. But it's funny how you start to worry about how you are perceived by others. I started to feel that my weight was a negative thing and that I needed to try to gain weight. I started worrying about how I looked. Do I look too skinny? Is it unattractive? Do people really think I look anorexic? I began to feel inadequate or that my weight and figure were wrong in some way.

These feelings didn't last long, because I soon realized that the negative emotions I was experiencing were more damaging to me than being thin. I remembered that the way in which I view myself is more important than any external opinions or remarks. My self worth springs from my own soul and my own belief in my beauty and strength. What a relief it was to release myself from the opinions of others! I began embracing my slender figure and enjoying everything about it... buying skinny jeans, flaunting my fit figure to my husband, and so forth. But the point is that no matter how much I weigh or what others think of it, what matters most is that I love myself. It's a truly liberating concept when I actually apply it. I highly recommend it. I love my body. I think it's fabulous and beautiful. I feel fabulous and beautiful. And there's my personal post. :)