Talissa

The last 36 hours have been somewhat of a drag. After making the decision to work the extended season (September) in Florida, I took the car in yesterday morning for an oil change and a tire repair in preparation for the 23 hours of driving ahead. While I was sitting in the waiting area (reading The Host; now that I've finished the Twilight series I needed to fill the void with more Stephenie Meyer), my reading was interrupted by a man in a greasy mechanic uniform who asked me how to put the car in reverse. I explained how to do it, and he laughed and said they had already tried everything they could think of but it still wouldn't work. He waved it off and told me he wanted to watch me do it after they were finished with the car.

To my dismay, I could not put the car in reverse. I also could not put the car into first, second, or fifth gear either. So I puttered home in third and fourth gears only (I didn't even stall... I must be amazing at driving stick) and broke the bad news to Jake when I arrived home: our transmission was out. Then commenced a day of car shopping, calling friends for advice about cars, crunching numbers to see what we could afford, and debating what to do in general now that we had no reliable form of transportation. To make a LONG story short, we have to drop a couple hundred bucks to fix up the car (luckily the damage wasn't as bad as we thought... we were initially told it would cost $4000 to fix it) and we will not be buying another vehicle. Those poor used car salesmen must be disappointed (they've been calling us all day).

Anyway, by tonight we were both tired of talking about cars and car payments and ready for a little comic relief. It came by way of a text message to my phone from a number I did not recognize. The text message was clearly not meant for me, and it was clearly sent by a teenage girl. Jacob's characteristic look of "this is going to be so funny" immediately lit up his face. I already felt bad for the poor girl, but I could not deny my conniving husband the opportunity for a good laugh. It's a good thing I let him have his fun, because this will certainly go down in our history of Funniest Things Ever:

Talissa: Hey its talissa why were u mad at me??

Jacob: R u kidding me?

Talissa: No why were u mad at me!

Jacob: I don't have time 4 this. how could i not be! its like... omg just forget it- it doesnt matter

Talissa: Fine jes sorry i asked!!!!!!!

Jacob: Dont be like that, youre mean

Talissa: Well then dont be mean 2 me!

Jacob: Fine! why did you sleep with my boyfriend?

Talissa: What r u talking about! R u kiding me that is so stuiped!

Jacob: im not that mad about it cause i think im a lesbian and i want you to love me

Talissa: O my god! ? what?

(Katie: JACOB!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HER??? That is so mean!!! Give me the phone!!! **tackles Jacob unsuccessfully; Jacob is laughing hysterically** END IT NOW!!!)

Jacob: Talissa- you should check this number again, are you so sure that this is who you think it is?

Talissa: Ya! really r u gay or sterate

(Katie: Tell her, "Yes, I am definitely straight and you definitely have the wrong number." You better end this right now Jacob!!! I'm serious!! Do you realize what you could be doing to this poor girl?!?!?
Jacob: Okay okay okay, I'll end it now. **chuckling to himself, he turns away from me and hurriedly sends Talissa a response**)

Jacob: I just want you to love me

(Katie: Let me see what you told her.
Jacob: I said, "I just want you to love me."
Katie: WHAT?!?!?! ARE YOU CRAZY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!??? **hits Jacob on the arm and again tries in vain to take the phone away from him**)

Talissa: Why.....

(Katie: You better end this now. **Jacob just laughs**)

Jacob: You have the wrong number talissa

Talissa: What ev gtg

(Katie: Okay, GIVE ME THE PHONE. Poor girl... **Jacob is rolling on the floor laughing... literally**)

Katie: No seriously, u have had the wrong number this entire time.

... And that was the last we heard from Talissa. I started to worry that she never responded after that, but Jacob assured me that it was a sign she had finally discovered her error and was now utterly mortified. Out of my sense of duty to protect the feelings of others (especially poor, unsuspecting teenage girls)-- the duty which Jacob seems to ignore at times of humorous convenience-- I chided Jacob numerous times for his evil doings. What if poor Talissa now thinks her friend is a lesbian and wants to love her? The possibilities for harm are endless with this one, but hopefully she learned her lesson: never rely on something as impersonal as text messaging to carry on intimate conversations.

We both had a good laugh; so good, in fact, that I had to take some time away from packing and cleaning to blog about it. Oh and by the way, all the spelling and words are verbatim from the actual text messages... which is half the reason why it was so funny. The other half being, of course, that Jacob managed to completely mess with poor Talissa's mind.

At any rate, we are off to Florida tomorrow as soon as the car is fixed. We figured if we are going to extend, we might as well go somewhere fun (because let's face it: Missouri is great, but it doesn't have any tropical beaches). I'll send a postcard. :)